for d.robe

This is for d.robe. I have returned to the blogsphere to continue our conversation. So, in tonight's thoughts... I was just listening to a song by the Head and the Heart, and it goes something like this: My roots have grown but I don't know where they are, Don't know where they are, I don't know where they are, My roots have grown but I don't know where they are. As I prepare to leave the city I've called home for the last two years to return to the city I called home for twenty-three, I feel much like those lyrics--my roots have grown, but I don't know where they are. I don't know where they are. But I think--I hope--I'm prepared to follow them until I find where they are.

squash perfectionism.

Thou has TAUGHT me to say...

This morning I awoke quite early (for me at least) with an oppressing anxiety that sat squarely on my chest. I don't get super anxious very often, and consequently hate it when I am. Unfortunately, I anticipate that this next week will be more of the same awakenings since the first comprehensive exam is Friday, and I have yet to feel prepared.

However, as I was sitting at my kitchen table this morning, a verse suddenly flew into my mind:

"Be anxious about nothing, but in everything, by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7)

After a few minutes, I noticed I had begun humming, "whatever my lot Thou has taught me to say, it is well with my soul." Now, this one line is significant in it's own right, but especially when I consider that the man who wrote it (Horatio Spafford) wrote it after the death of his son and four daughters (in two different incidents). He had also lost his legal practice because of the great Chicago fire. This man lost so much. And yet, he wrote these words as a prayer of supplication and thanksgiving:



When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life,
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But Lord, 'tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

my airstream home wish

sometimes i wish i lived in an airstream home, eight curtains, lived just like a gypsie ... sometimes i wish i lived on a mountain, drank from a stream instead of a fountain, i'd stay there and talk of the world ...

my thoughts in the past 20 minutes.

I'm so relieved that most of my projects are done as of today. Wow, this has been a busy semester thus far. I'm already done with three classes.

I need to study for Comps...this is my best weekend to study. Only two weekends left.

I wonder what cranial nerve innervates the pharynx? Oh man, I need to brush up on my cranial nerves. What if the question is about dysarthria?

Cher. Cher used to be a part of a duet. Oh, right, Sonny and Cher. And Cher went on to be a famous singer in her own right. And Sonny was a Senator. A US Senator. And then he died in a ski accident. How sad.

Aphasia diagnostic assessments. I need to study those. This weekend I'll do it.

Wow, way to go Cher. Poor Sonny. What a weird name. Sonny.

I'm tired. Is it already Thursday?

Wow, I'm thinking a lot of weird thoughts.

I should write these down because they're funny.

(writing)

Okay. Maybe they're only funny to me.,,,oh well. Only allistairrigby reads this blog, and hopefully he'll laugh. Or maybe he won't....awkward. Oh, that's awkward to write awkward. I really hope he laughs during this part. Or maybe he won't. I'll never know because I'll forget to ever ask, so it doesn't really matter.

Golden Gardens. Oh, I wish I were driving on the Ballard Bridge right now to Golden Gardens. I like Golden Gardens. I like eating sushi at Golden Gardens.

To illustrate something from my last post, here is a friend's facebook status:

"That moment when a woman straight-up faints on the train and you're the only person who offers her a seat. Way to suck, Boston."

She's also from Seattle.

my next life skill

I've finally had a chance to sit and reflect on some of the happenings in my life this past month. Albeit, these moments of reflection only happened because I had a 30 minute T-ride, but at this point of the semester, I take any chance I get to think about something other than school, comps or PRAXIS! With how busy and stressed I've been this past month, I've noticed a terrible want of insight into my personal life recently, which resulted in 2 weeks of headaches and sinus pain before I realized I had a serious sinus infection requiring antibiotics, three weeks since I saw my sister-in-law, three weeks and counting since I've seen my brothers, and fortunately only two weeks since I've seen Erin and Zach. In just a few minutes, I'm headed over to their home for Zach's phenomenal curry, chapatis, excellent conversation, an adorable baby who has won my heart, and hopefully a game of Ticket to Ride.

So, before I go, some reflections from this past month:

This week I was asked if I thought there were any cultural differences between Seattle and Boston. Sometimes I am unnerved by the differences I see. People can be incredibly rude in Boston, because they have little to no discretion or inhibition, nor do they seem to care or feel the need to camouflage their feelings. People in Seattle are typically very nice...sometimes to the point of passive aggression, but I rarely see displays of anger in Seattle, and as a transplanted Washingtonian, it makes me incredibly uncomfortable when I am anywhere near such a scene. Given my former critique of Bostonians, I need to add that I am often surprised by the novelty and grandeur of their acts of kindness...I've grown to love beantown, and Bostonians.

Even with these "cultural" differences, I am always amazed that people have such universal personalities. Oh, yes, people are unique. But people are also very similar in many ways. I think we like to think we are more different than we actually are. (I'm open to criticisms of that thought, so please critique as you feel the need.)

I've decided that the next life skill I need to acquire is how to take photos without the person(s) noticing. I have seen so many strange, often amusing things this past week...some were rather disturbing now that I think of it. Some I can't even begin to write about, because of the inability to describe what I've seen, and the indelicacy it would require. To do so would be to expose my own prejudices that I typically try to keep reserved. I know I'm being vague, but it's very intentional. As I already said, to share some of my observations from this past week would place me an uncomfortable position....However, let me just say...Judgments aside, I wish there were some way to upload images and sound bites from my brain to you...then you could see for yourself how ridiculous these scenes have been!

So, with those thoughts finally out of my mind, let me catch you up on my daily life. I have class one day a week where I attend class from 9am to 8pm (and I've already completed 2 classes this semester! Only four left to finish), 3 days of clinical placement at an early intervention clinic (which I LOVE!), and one day where I work on a "diagnostic" team...aka, we prepare for many hours on a weekly basis for 2 hours of actual testing with a client every three weeks. Weeknights and weekends I spend simply trying to finish all my homework and I study for my comprehensive exams (aka "comps") and PRAXIS (aka "boards") during the leftover time, which isn't much. Overall, it's exhausting. I am exhausted. I've somehow fit in the time to apply for jobs and have "interviews" over the phone, which has been encouraging, and a good prompt for studying for my comps! I also applied to graduate (!!!), bought my Masters' gown and hood, and registered for all of my exams (I think it takes a Masters to just negotiate all those pages required to register!). Hundreds of dollars and countless web pages later, it looks like an end is in sight! I will actually graduate with a Masters of Science in a field I love, and hope to make a difference in. Some day soon I'll try to blog about why I love Speech-Language Pathology, and will attempt a definition of and then an argument for why I think that Early Intervention programs deserve more federal funding. But that'll come at a much later date...I'm not sure I have the brain power for that now, and any brain power I do have should probably be dedicated to the ten page paper I need to write tomorrow...